I'm always fascinated by the changes we make as human and pictures like this might just be superficial for some, but for me they stand for memories, mostly mechanised in my mind, taught through my brain and used since then. The pictures reflects the things that happened during that time and after - in my heart, spirit and soul. It just makes me realise even more what an amazing, extravagant, dynamic, lifelong journey we all do with its ups and downs, sideways and tracks. Wether it's mentally, physically or in spirit, we grow, from incidents that happens, people we meet, sadness that hits us and missions we encounter. The magic of the human existence, is that it's yours to make, little by little your building the foundation of your own future and life. The hardest parts is when you're unhappy, sad, confused, depressed, low or fail to find the amusement in small things that is so important for the all day gratitude feeling that is crucial to be a well balanced human being. It's often appears when we let our mind-setting slide away from the strong inner spiritual light we have, no matter how we chose to enhance it, and end up focusing and giving the superficial and judgmental side of us to much room and air. It's often during those periods of life that we do exactly what cause not only unsatisfaction, but drive us further down in the feeling of darkness, failure and in the wrong direction - far from what we actually need and would benefit from.
We, as we in certainty know, have one life that we can impact from this day onwards. It's never to late to make a u-turn, do something you've done your whole life, different if it didn't give you the fruit you wanted. The tools we have, is there to be used and I would strongly impose that our mind, heart and the goodness we all carry inside of us, even if it's in some more hidden - are the most useful tools to create something not only you would benefit from, but also and in the same way, others. What you give out, you'll get back, in one way or another. Good as bad, the energies don't make a different, they are all just as strong and work the way back to you wether you like it or not.
You can create exactly what you want from it and chose to treat people that passes you in life with kindness and grace and get exactly THAT back. The ones who does not deserve your attention, you simply cut out of your life or give them as small part of it as possible since the atmosphere, the energies around you is what will impact your every day life. We all come from different backgrounds and have to realise that people around are the way they are for other reasons then you. You can't expect others to be the way you want them to, but accept that we're all unique and try to find the best in everyone. Not before you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes, can you truthfully understand what brought them to behave in a certain way, maybe for you very awkward. This is one of the hardest missions in life to learn how to handle and to do it without destroying anyone - nor yourself in destructive actions.
Sometimes life makes it crucial to put down your foot and speak the truth, then do in as objective way as possible and then walk away from it, leave it behind. Focus on all good things you have and make sure not to nurture it any more then it already has. I know it's hard, and sometimes impossible, but the most important aspect is to be aware of it to be able to prepare yourself and take action when necessary. Or, see yourself in a glass bowl, impossible to reach when someone around is pampering you with negativism or trying to bring you down. You are protective and indestructible. In that way you wont react back, but simply step away, you know much better then to react on someones infantile reactions of their own negativism, bitterness, jealousy or just simply cruelness.
I thank the universe for my mind, my always developing mind who also try to see myself as my worse enemy and being aware when I am. I know that whatever happens around me, I'm part of it. In one way or another I've attracted it to my life and therefor I have to take responsible to make it better, or at least see my own participation in it. That's a wonderful and very useful weapon, to analyse myself just as critical as I would with someone who is disturbing or destroying my peace.
No one is perfect and perfection as a goal will keep you stressed and unsatisfied with the feeling you have for the everyday life. Most people forget that what you feel in the silence of the hours, here and now, is what will impact you the most. To control those flying thoughts might be one of the most complicated task we're given on this planet, but it's like everything, the more you practice, the better the road will follow and one day you'll find yourself doing it without even notice.
I was so good at this a couple of years back, honestly I had most things put together and my mind was not controlled, it was breathing the exact vibes that I wanted. Therefor I often attracted exactly what I wanted and many things went my way for sure. With all of the big projects we've had in our life from that point; pregnancy with a man who lived in another country, moving, another pregnancy with a small toddler, moving again, cultural differences and everything else that is sometimes a battle, I've lost energy, focus and have paid very little, to not say non time to my own spiritual growth and awareness. I hate being a product of nothing, of just randomness and have to deal with all things coming to you like a mushroom when not being in charge yourself, but once again, it's been a great lesson and now I feel more obliged then ever to as much as my life allows me, nurture what's the absolute most crucial relationship in your life, the one with yourself. If you have it all together in a happy, aware, developing, peaceful phase, most things will adapt themselves around instead of the opposite. It takes a lot of mental work, corrections on how I've developed some bad habits in to how I speak and think, but I love a challenge, especially when the fruit is so liberating and uplifting - it's mental freedom.
I truly and firmly believe that the best way to see the status on your own life, is to take a good look around yourself here and now. Are you happy? Do you have what you want? Are most people kind and respectful to you? If so, it's because you already sent all of that out around you and your'e enjoying the product of your own good actions. If you feel the opposite, then it's probably because that's what other experience and feels from you.
I wish I had more time for myself to read and study all of this as intensely and on a everyday basis as I did before, but even if I'm human and fail sometimes, at least it's in my bones, carved in my spine and breath through the platelets of my blood.
So much has happened since these pictures were taken, all of them four years old exept the one with M and me plus the one with me wearing the pink Moschino jacket. There Alexis was 8 weeks in my belly. On the picture with the striped background, I'm 26 years old and was staying in Australia. I seldom regret anything in life since I religiously believe that I learned from every little sideway or difficult situation I've encounter, no matter how hard it was or how many tears it caused. I always want to be better, I strive to do better and I know that we all can have so much more tranquility in mind and spirit if we just use the tools we're given.
Talk soon,
stina